Sunday, October 28, 2007

strength.

AHHH! Look at Joseph!! Can't get enoguh of him. For those who are from my church, he's Poh's son!!



Ha, baby bought for me the roses cause he couldn't be able to make it on my birthday because of field camp. So sweet right. (:

Any way, i was chatting with my classmates. And i told them that every time i see a couple being sweet to each other, i would be very happy for them.
There's a difference between sweet and "go get a room".

{ 1:12 PM

Friday, October 26, 2007

Ed Hardy, cant wait to get my hands on it!

Amily is sitting right beside me now, ding dong kid. (:

{ 9:56 AM

what a day.

Had my off day today. Suppose to be going town but Germaine was going for Click 5's concert, so didn't go in the end.
Dance class came in timely.
Fi is teaching a new routine for the next performance at DXO.
I feel so distorted, because of the combination of hands and body and the fast beat.
Then she taught us the double turn, am super happy, cause i got compliments from her.
But sort of got unstable after the first try.
Must practice, must seek for perfection.
Every thing comes with a price.

Sometimes, he gives me the feeling as if he can afford to let me go.
Did he think of what i would feel when he keep throwing his tantrums at me?
Van : Don't worry ok, it will be all worth it.

" If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way."

Jane Goodall

" Your attitude is either your best friend or your worst enemy, your greatest asset or your greatest liability."

John Maxwell

" The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."

Vince Lombardi

{ 12:00 AM

Thursday, October 25, 2007

concern.

Thanks ok, for all those concerns!!!
You make me smile. (:
I thank God for all the comfort and encouragements.

" Permanence, perseverance, and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things it distinguishes the strong soul from the weak."

Thomas Carlyle

" The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."

Vince Lombardi

{ 12:30 AM

Monday, October 22, 2007

bad.

I am such a failure when it comes to being a girlfriend.
I ain't a good girlfriend at all.
I made him really really angry today.
Why can't i just do what i promise.

But why can't he just stop being so calculative?
I know i am suppose to be talking to him whenever he has a free time, because its limited.
But what about me and my schedule and passion?
It is not going to last if these quarrellings continue, is it.

Sorry baby, i know its really my bad.
For one of the few times, i feel so hopeless.
I just hope you will understand how it is for me too.
I make mistakes too, just more then what the norms do.
And i did tried ok, why don't you ever recognize it, then keep pointing out the wrongs of mine?

I told him, if he really hates me, then break up, i would respect his decision and not cling onto him. Not that i want to break up obviously.
I am such a failure ):

Yes, must stress myself to become better.

{ 10:58 PM

Friday, October 19, 2007

(:

As much of a composition writer my sister is, but i can't help but agree with what she wrote in her blog.
"perhaps i have indeed formed a shield over my heart. who can break through the protective shell? it's not that i have been hurt too many times; i have been hurt no more times than the layman on the street. but i've been through many relationships, and it has kind of numbified me."

Numbed to feelings, many things.
You tell me everything you do has a reason, but things doesn't go through my mind before i do it.
Ask me to give you are reason for everything i do?
I give you empty words, words that are answers for the sake of answering.

I thank God for short term memory, you know why?
Because it helps you forget things you don't want to remember.
Though some things that once scarred your heart never fails to engulf your thoughts.

I am not afraid to admit. I seek for acceptance, i look for friends, in fact i need them to fill the empty hole in me.
I have low self-esteem. Facilitators say i have good presentation skills, its just a mask.
Try counting how many faces i have.

Went for cell group just now,
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
It impacted me a lot, i am not one with any talents or strengths.
I know people are modest when it comes to saying some thing like that, but i know this portion of me well.
I trust my God that i would shine because of Him.
His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.

{ 11:55 PM

Thursday, October 18, 2007

thanks loves.

I feel so loved.
Thanks everyone.

I wrote a post about being unable to talk to Jerry on our 2nd anniversary.
Didn't expect so many people to be so concerned about me, in the good way!
Don't worry guys, he called me at 2am that day.
He had rifle shooting that day and was out from 430 am till 2am that day.
Major thanks to Clio, Jin Hua, Sebestian and many more.
Sorry for not remembering who, i got major STM also, but i am touched the moment you guys was concerned about it. (:
And thanks Sebas, for the donuts! an Clio for making class so enjoyable for me, Jin hua for being so understanding!!

I thank God, once again, for excellent classmates.

{ 11:50 PM

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

love.

I miss Nadia, how i wished nothing like this had happened.

How i wished.

{ 12:43 PM

Monday, October 15, 2007

touch.

I shall mark this day.
Didn't talked to baby the WHOLE day. no message, no nothing.
For the very FIRST time, since the day we knew each other.
And guess what! it's our 2nd year anniversary today.
Don't ask me if i am sad or not, cause i am ):

Was watching the 9 pm show! Cause God was good, he let me have 2 rest day for the week.
Today and tomorrow. Gonna cut my fringe, trim my eye browns, get my shoes........
I think i would crumple if i see my love ones die right in front of me.
Another sad scene. I can't stop thinking about it.
DIE right in front of you, you know!!

" One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is the gift of attention."

Jim Rohn

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.

Erica Jong

{ 11:42 PM

Thursday, October 11, 2007

agony.

My friend once asked me, "Why do you guys like to blog about how you feel?"
I guess it's just a form of letting out.

One month ago, he was taken away from me, physically.
My emotional support is gone too.
Ah hua say, "You busy woman la, work 5 days a week, i respect you."
I mugged myself in work.
Have to be strong, he depends on you too.
How to get past this 2 years! tell me, i don't even know how long more i can give in to him.

There is this International Salsa festival coming up next Friday.
They are only selecting 2 juniors.
I seriously want to go!
You will be learning the history of Salsa and many international instructors are coming to teach.
3 days 2 night chalet, guess how much is the original ticket! $430!!!
Thank God for our dance instructor whose dance studio is one of the organisers, so we could get a subsidy.
And also partly from school.
Please, please, i want to go.
Thanks baby, for being so understanding for my dance.

Any way, i feel so blessed some times.
I got excellent classmates, God took care of many small things.
I thank God for the gift of forgetfulness.
I love Him.

" Each creation delights me much; on the face of this earth, God loves me such."

- Rakesh Patil

" Wisdom is often acquired when we stumble, not when we succeed. Our defeats leave us wiser than our triumphs. God will lead us through each stumble or defeat."

- Jefrey C. Dela Peña

{ 11:31 PM

Monday, October 08, 2007

wishlist.

River Island bag, the rest are Ed hardy. I loveeeee Ed hardy's design. They look so much stunning in real life, especially their dresses.






MY PRESENT WISH!

• SHOPPING VOUCHERS : Ed Hardy, River Island, Guess, BeBe, Warehouse, Forever21, Harley Davidson !
  
• Black Shorts

{ 12:45 AM

Friday, October 05, 2007

baby.

"What if i get for you something, and you don't like it? What will you do?"
"Throw away lo".
What a fantastic boyfriend.

Sleepy sleepy, blogging cause my hair is still wet.
Was talking to Ah Hua just now. He KO already, i am going to KO too.
Been sleeping like 5 hours or less every day, how..

I keep asking myself this question, "What if i can never be happy again."

Million of thoughts go through everybody's mind each day.
But how many can tame it, giving birth to a new principle, a new knowledge in dealing with their life.
Many are engulfed by the emotions, the disappointments.

I despise regret,
i despise myself for being a girlfriend that cannot be trust,
i despise my inability to be adequate for my boyfriend,
i despise my inability to be strong,
i despise my inability to deal with things,
i despise my inability to break through,
i despise my inability to be understanding,
i despise my inability to chase after dreams,
i despise my inability to find strength in weakness,
i despise my inability follow God.

{ 1:23 AM

Thursday, October 04, 2007

fulfilling.

Ha, jerry and i are finally back to normal.
"sorry for expecting so much from you, love you too.."
So happy. but i doubt he has any idea how much his words weigh in my heart.

Was watching Step up and Take the lead while on the way home.
They make the dance look so easy.
Turning, sliding like ABC.
I dream to dance like them. I guess, thats every dancers' dream. (:
And, i can't do double turn for nuts.
Salsa dance needs to have a lot of body control and locking of arms and stuff.
But its so difficult to do while you are dancing!
I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me.

Been feeling pretty down because of the boy, dance gives me hope for happiness.
Why need to show people you are sad? Cannot wait till alone then sad is it.
Some people just annoy me, bear with a bit of emotion will die is it.
MUST show people one meh.
If one is happy, the class will also be happy.
Random.

I love you, Jesus.

"Time is a big healer. Leave your blues with it, wait and watch."

- Manojkumar Kodwani

{ 11:52 PM

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

don't understand, never will.

Quarreled again. I hope it doesn't continues so often.
Ask Van for help, i'm lost.
Thanks Van, you are really a great help.
Must give in, must let him understand your situation.
Don't feel heart pain, just take it as he had a bad day.
Must let him know you are trying.

Yes, must persevere. I am trying really hard already.
I told myself, must assure him, must know how to love him, must watch what i am doing so that he will trust me for once.
I still want this relationship to last one ok.

Havent been sleeping a lot lately. If you think your life is boring, check out mine.

I'm not referring to 1 week, i'm referring to EVERY week. A routine.
If i ever stop working, i would think of him.
But what does he know. I know he doesn't read my blog, i understand he just doesn't have the time or strength.
Don't get me wrong, i am not blaming him here, really.
Going to get him a River Island bag, i hope he likes it.
As much as i work in retail shop, a fashion world, I still can't grasp his taste in things.
Hope he likes it.

" Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained, hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired."

Erik H. Erikson

{ 12:11 AM