Thursday, September 27, 2007

birthday.

Felt like getting for him something.
I don't know why i keep buying him food, when i know he wouldn't eat it.
Sigh, so much of a boyfriend treasuring a present from his girlfriend.

Took train with Rowena and Germaine yesterday.
Rowena was already planning her 17th birthday.
Mine is 18th and it's actually later then her.
And, i am not even excited about it, what more, planning for it.

I doubt he would be around. So how?
I hope i would come up with some ideas soon.

{ 2:39 PM

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

three more days.

Today didn't end well. Had a bicker with him.
Yes, must learn to give in, even though you know he's in the wrong too.
Missing him and loving him, yet thats all i got from him, doubt.

Any way, school is getting more boring each day. Bloody annoying.
Its so routine. I miss my old class, they make my day all the time.
If you are not the one that make noise, than thats it for you.
Start rolling the ball, W15H.

{ 11:42 PM

Saturday, September 22, 2007

enough all ready.

I guess everybody has thousands of thoughts going through their mind all the time, i am no exceptional.
I am constantly thinking about Jerry, no doubt for that. He's coming out next Friday!!!
I think of my work, my cell group, my friends, my school. So many things and emotion going through me that i can't comprehend it with words.
Sometimes, you just don't know whether to be nonchalant of whatever that is going through you. Or, should you try to gain a mutual understanding before any misunderstanding comes up.
How do one understand another's heart? Their deepest thought.
Thats what i want to do, knowing people like a book.
Don't get me wrong, i am not saying they are so naive that they can be read like a book or anything.

Now, it just feels like stepping to the next level of my life.
Giving birth to a greater control over own emotions, realizing my own principles of living a life.

pulchritude - physical beauty. may it be so, also, for my life.

"Make every thought, every fact, that comes into your mind pay you a profit. Make it work and produce for you. Think of things not as they are but as they might be. Don't merely dream --- but create!"
Robert Collier

{ 11:36 PM

Monday, September 17, 2007

melancholy.

I really miss him, how.
Today's only the fourth day.
11 more days to go.
Two more years to go.

" To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength of mind."

William Hazlitt

{ 9:55 PM

Friday, September 14, 2007

my baby, ns man.

Jerry just enlisted for NS today.
No doubt, i am damn sad. Like as if there is something missing from your life already.
He's going to tekong, there's transportation available from Pasir ris interchange.
When he went to report, the guy was like so fierce already. "TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT"
I swear, NS is out make guys look nerd, like some gong gong.
Any way, had his goodbye dinner on thur night.
Van was just telling me how it would be like for we girlfriends.
"Sometime they wont even be able to call, then you are like so worried already, then you will be wondering like did anything happen to them."
At first i was thinking like, worry about what? they are like in NS, what could happen.
NOW i know.
The moment i went work after sending him off, my mind is all on him.
TWO WEEKS leh.
Was on the phone with him just now, he say the officer said that this two weeks we will be very nice to you, but after that then.....
I heard a few guys got scolded like shit already.
Army is sooo...strict. It's like as if they going for some cold blooded training, night mare.
I will be long suffering for him. -Van : "Must always give in to them."
God i pray, protect him ok. Let him make good friends, let him be enduring, let him be mentally strong ok?

"Why is love intensified by absence?"
-The Time Traveler's Wife

{ 11:09 PM

Sunday, September 02, 2007

excel.

Envy. I know its just not right to envy people.
But, what do i excel in?
People excel in their own many ways. Beauty, sense of fashion, physically etc.
I keep telling myself that.
But it just doesn't happen to me. Let just say, i can't psycho my self to do things.
Like, if i keep telling myself, "I can do it one", "I can do it better".
It just doesn't work on me.
Like, i can't just say "I am prettier then her", when i know i am not.
It's just an example, really.
Let's just say, i ask myself constantly, "who am i?".
Discovering myself more each step i took, but yet i feel there is more to know.
Forever, inadequate i am.

Finally, there is going to be a change in cell group.
But, strangely, i am having mixed feelings.

" A rainbow was created with unique and different colors; together they standout as one whole beautiful thing. So are we."

Katya Bertrand

-Every time I hear people pointing out the differences between each other, I feel that we have forgotten that is what makes us unique and complements one another.