mystificated-rose

NEW BLOG.

2008-02-27T00:13:00.001+08:00

HEY DARLINGS!

Switch blog to - http://yrosepie.wordpress.com/ -
(:

life

2008-02-13T00:34:00.000+08:00

It is just exhausting and depressing to live a period of your life without your love one around.
There is no one to confide in, no one to live your life with.

They say the greatest thing in life is to love and get love in return.
But why do i not feel loved in return.
I doubt, i distrust and it sucks.
Feel like giving up all the time.
I need a great deal of assurance. in my life.
Not encouragement, but assurance.
Or should i just learn to be a lone ranger.

People have their cny, happy or sad stories to say.
But, what is my story?
I am neither depressed over any thing or happy.

Oh God, let me give my best in all that i do, to prove my worth.

AHHHHHHHH.

2008-01-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

I just want to scream.
Oh man, this is not the life i want.
I cry in my heart, all the time.
Why are things going this way?
Why didn't i do or think that way?
Why am i so simple minded?
Why don't i know what to do?
Why don't i know how to deal with things?

Wth is wrong with me?
SHIT SHIT SHIT, I hate this, i hate myself.
WTH!
Why must everything go this way?

I do stupid things, and committing mistakes depresses me.
Like, really really depress me.
Situations passes by, but feelings stay.

heart.

2008-01-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

I am tired, i really am
Haven't been myself lately, even got called cry baby by Jerry. ):
Can't take a lot of things nowadays, i am upset about everything.

I sincerely believe in this saying, "Who truly know what is on some one's heart."
Or rather, who truly knows what is in some one's heart.
I doubt it when people say they understand me, who truly understand me?

I have decided not to quit my job early, because of all i have learned in the shop.
You would never get to experience this when you are out in the work place in the future.
Nobody would be so open with you about the politics going on the workplace.
I chatted with Sharen till really late at night, about all that is going on in the shops.

So much to learn, so much to be cautious about.
And i liked the way it is. You actually learn something, like how it is you should keep your mouth shut so that you would not get involved unnecessarily and so on.
I realised i just step into the true world of reality.

help.

2008-01-04T20:24:00.002+08:00

$598 ,160GB
$428, 80GB

2GB	$149.00
4GB	$249.00
8GB	$349.00
16GB	$449.00
32GB	$549.00

Should i get the creative ZEN or ipod Classic?
Baby say ipod classic more worth it, but quality wise?

no diff.

2008-01-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

Nothing seems to matter any more.
So what if a top costs $100, its just number.
You pay for it, the number in your account drops.
So?

So what if you have problems and you are suppose to feel burden?
It will go away eventually isn't it.

So what if i stand for 12 hours today and 10 hours the next day?
Your feet hurts, so?
Just rest and it will be over.

Numb to this world, the imperfect world.
Where is my heaven?
I distrust this world, i detest the way it works, the reality to face.

Why must you be the one who sacrifice?
Why can't she or she do it, why always me.

On 31st of dec, Matt Tan asked, "What do you dream to be?"
I couldn't give an answer.
But now i do, i want to be a woman who is independent and ruthless.
You want respect from people? Earn it.

past.

2008-01-03T00:16:00.000+08:00

Thought of thousand and one million things,
I REALLY really really wish to go back to the past.
So many things you could have done differently,
So many bad things that happened that you just shut your eyes at the thought of it.

It seems pointless you show your feelings to other people sometimes.
I love shutting my self from the world.
I adore simplicity.
Obviously not the ludicrous, moronic way of simplicity.

"You never truly know what's on someone heart, so treat them with kindness, respect and compassion."

Joel Zambrano

"To let principles trump over the demands and desires of another is a victory for our inner peace. If we are true to ourselves, we will learn we can count on ourselves, no matter what."

Edgar C

I want to get Creative Vision Zen ):

no life.

2008-01-01T22:13:00.000+08:00

Ha, i went back to work at 12pm today.
Can't believe myself, slept at 4 am.

Like what Sebastian said, " You really have no life."
Agreed.
Gave up a lot for my work.
I will, but my aim to is to quit only after the 3 months holiday.
It's difficult to get such a high pay job.
I BADLY want to quit, its too tiring, too time consuming.
And i know it would after my projects for next semester.
Oh, God bless.

new year.

2008-01-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

At the strike of 2008.
Probably one of my saddest start.

Sometimes i don't know how we get past with this relationship.
No solid ground, just largely on love between.
Is the only solution to get past all the problems, to give and take?

So tell me when it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright
Will you say ok?
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away

change.

2007-12-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

Unless you lead change, if not change would lead you.

):

2007-12-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

Just got my computer back from my brother.
It's depressing to see so many people overwhelmed by vexation.
Comforting words are always limited.
You may receive lots of comfort, but problem is still there.
Have learned over the days, depend on yourself to prevail all that have or is to come.
Get a grip of your emotions.

EXHAUSTED!
Worked 10 hours on Tuesday, 12 hours today.
Another 10 hours tomorrow.
My sole skin is peeling.
God bless.

I have never seen such irritating customers in my whole entire life.
70% discount, plus the price is already there.
Must you ask how must would it be after the discount for every single piece of clothes?
What are we?
Some kind of walking calculator.
Still can ask, what is the exact figure.
Never study Maths before is it!

Not a good day for all the staff today.
Bloody Poorima, one day i will give you one punch.
Nat, i hope you are reading this! HA.
When i dropped the whole box of price tags, she still dare to say : "Haha, too much of work today."
Who's fault you tell me!
Keep making us do double job. Tell you not done, don't hang on the rack and you still go hang!
No censor + no price on the clothes, we wouldn't even know if the customer just walk out with the clothes in her bag can.
Not steam yet, it's so crumpled. Sharen scold us, then are you going to take the blame?
No common sense, don't understand what is 'not done yet' is it!
Still expect me to immediately pick up the clothes one by one on the rack to censor and steam.
Like hello, it's sale period.

flower.

2007-12-17T23:51:00.001+08:00

When i was in JB for the past 2 days, i wanted so much not to come back.
It is carefree over there; it just the purpose of vacation i guess.
It had its effect on me.
The thought of coming back, facing the busy life.
The need of extra effort to do whatever you need to do.
Everything just have to be this way.
You need to wake up early. Why? Got school, no choice..

Back in the hotel, just leave the towels here and there la, by the time you get back, it would be as good as new again.
Just use the ringgit la, it won't be of any use again anyway.
See, no worries.

Where is the purpose of my life?
Where is me?
Where is the potential in me?
Where is my true self?
Why is it i can't be who i want to be?
What do i have to change?

panda face.

2007-12-15T02:17:00.000+08:00

Yes, got a panda-look-alike face.
Even concealer doesn't help.

Sigh.
Need to write this incident report because of some stupid case the happened in the shop.
Why, why.
Dread it.

Probably quitting soon.
Normally, it would be the management that sucks.
Now, its not the management, neither is it the staff.
Its just, making small problem big because of the way they want things to be.
Be more flexible please!

Going JB with Jerry and his family tomorrow!!
Shop shop.
I hope there is things for me to buy, if not, let me save money!

Woohoo, he POP already!
This 3 weeks is going to rock.

christmas.

2007-12-14T11:08:00.000+08:00

Money shortage ):
Don't blame me for the bad gifts!

Huishan is sitting beside me now!
She just said she is pretty.
WTH!

woebegone.

2007-12-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

Disconsolate.
I can't seem to pick up my mood.
So much to give up, so much of stretching of capacity.
So much to accept of this world; things you can't change.

Have you ever come to a stage of your life, where everything seems so down.
Nothing seems right, the loneliness creeps into your heart, like the root to that low self esteem.
Where the thirst for attention, compliments, and the need for a true friend or a true lover to fill up your soul.
Knowing you have no ability, but yet still holding up the high expectations.
Helpless.
Many are pretentious in this world. Where is the truth, the door to our freedom?

When would the peace come?
When would it be the time you need not think or worry?
When would it be when you reach the heavens of your dream land?

Who, in this world, would truely know and understand you?
Or even, catched a glimpse of your true self?

Don't bother me, don't touch me. Don't irritate or joke with me.

Life

2007-12-10T02:18:00.000+08:00

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this : Decide what you want.
Ben Stein

You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.
Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000

" Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat.
Anais Nin

Gist of the preaching of Dr A. R. Bernard
"Every purpose comes with sacrifice. You could be the one who is suffering now, while others are enjoying. But you are looking at your life purpose, working towards it."

Even though it is at the back of their head, people need reminders constantly.
Thats why i love quotes, they don't only teach you new things.

HOT

2007-12-09T10:03:00.000+08:00

HOT!

SHAKE.

2007-12-01T01:43:00.000+08:00

Woohoo!
Shaker fries craze. (:

*

"When it's not alright
When it's not OK
Will you try to make me feel better
Will you say alright?
Will you say OK?
Will you stick with me through whatever?"

love.

2007-11-28T01:12:00.000+08:00

An extract - http://www.straitstimes.com/Free/Story/STIStory_177789.html?vgnmr=1

"Yes, it was cute how he was as exuberant as a puppy when you first met, but, goodness, isn't he turning out to be loud and boorish now? And while her whining was endearing in the beginning, after years of it you just wish she'd shut up a bit.

Little annoyances can accumulate to make you explode. Lucky are the couples who can accept the irritating traits of their partners (no one is perfect after all, and neither are you) and continue loving them.

But for some, love has a use-by date, even if it was 'true love'.

Just as friendship between platonic friends can outlive itself, so, too, can long-term romantic love.

I used to think that no matter how much a person disappoints you, it can be overcome if you just focus on the love and relationship.

But I've found that love can and does die, although die may be too melodramatic a word. It's more a case of love fading, like the ink from the pages of an old diary, or the image in an aged photo.

It disappears for a variety of reasons.

The cause can be sensational such as when a partner does something that hurts and deceives you.

More often though, the reasons are prosaic, like over-familiarity, boredom and benign neglect. And with the first-stage lust long gone, the love is quickly spent and you just aren't into each other anymore.

It's very sad, and the greater tragedy if it is only one half of the couple who has lost the feeling.

Still, to have loved and lost - lost in the sense of losing that love you once held so dear in your heart, and lost as in losing your loved one to someone or something else - must surely be better than to have never loved at all."

Says Dr Fisher: 'You can feel deep attachment for a long-term spouse, while you feel romantic love for someone else, while you feel the sex drive in situations unrelated to either partner.'

enchanted.

2007-11-26T00:14:00.000+08:00

Oh oh, just watch Enchanted today.
It's lovely show, but obviously unrealistic.
If you have high expectations in movies, then don't watch.

Feels like the end of the world, he went in today again!
Wa lao, 2 more years can. TWO.

I am getting very lost in my doings and thinking.
And getting very random.
Oh God, let me find the purpose for my life.

Oh, and people. If you ever want to scream your lungs out, just bury yourself in the pillow.
It works. No worries, nobody will hear you. Provided if you close your door.

nose.

2007-11-25T01:40:00.000+08:00

AHHHH, my nose is dropping off!
Argh, and i keep coughing. ARGH.

Oh man, everybody seems to be having problems.
It sucks when you just can't cheer yourself up right?
And i can't cheer people up too.
Like what the bible states, "Remove the speck in your eyes before you remove others."

Quarreled with my Dad over the phone just now at Simpang.
Seriously regretted it, felt like i made a big scene.
Wasn't very friendly to my Dad, never was to my parents.
I rebel at every single thing they say, since young.
Some how, the moment i see them calling me or just asking me any friendly questions, i feel freaking irritated.
But every time after i quarreled with them, i will feel damn guilty.
Why, cause like Jerry said, "They are your parents after all. You need to respect them even if they are unreasonable. Need to have discipline."

But how?
Dad : "You spend more time with your boyfriend then with your parents."
YC : "Of course not la, like hello, i am home from Monday to Friday. Who's fault is it?"
Be more reasonable, please.

Plus, he doesn't even care about me or my doings last time.
My Mum does all the job.
And yet he expects me to follow what ever he says once he speaks.
Why, he's words are made of gold is it?
Dad : "I don't want you to stay at his house OK? There is no room for discussion."
Can't help but saying, he is so arrogant!
But i ought to slap myself for saying some thing like that.

moving on..

2007-11-24T00:09:00.000+08:00

I am so tired!!
Need to catch up with my sleep sometimes.
I can't believe i fell asleep, sitting up, when i was writing my RJ half way through for Enterprise, which is taken over by the strictest facilitator ever.
Thank God my sister woke me up.
I hope i didn't write nonsense.

Tomorrow - 930am : Salsa performance
1200 to 1600 : Work
1700 : Church
I hope all these helps me lose my tummy.
Work is a chore, but money is good.
Probably be quitting the end of next month.

Any way, just felt like blogging.
This post is redundant.

*

I don't know myself, i don't know what i want, i don't know what i am suppose to do, i don't know what i am suppose to change, i don't know what am i suppose to think.

I am just a plainly lost child, with a blank mind.

So much to talk about, but never know where to start.
So much to learn in this life.
So much to control - emotions, thoughts, right way of doing things.
So much to care - surroundings, things that is involved in the certain problem you faced.

Nobody reacts the same for all situations or matters or events that happens in their life.

so much.

2007-11-22T00:26:00.000+08:00

So much in me, so much to say.
But can't.

Sorry team mates, for not doing much.
Lots of things in mind.
Pardon the quietness at times, pardon the introversion, pardon the temper, pardon the plastic me.

Don't say anything to me.
Pardon the crudeness here.

strength.

2007-11-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

I am exhausted.
Where is my pillar of comfort apart from God?
Why must he be taken away?
Where are the familiar shoulders i lean on so often when i am tired?
My emotions are out of control, cause i miss him.

Another three days of separation.
He would be in outfield camp.

Must stand strong, girl.
Lord, i pray.

" Skeptics may argue that prayers are only coincidences... But as an English Archbishop once observed, 'It's amazing how many coincidences occur when one begins to pray.'"

Ian C. Campomanes

adored.

2007-11-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU, W15H.
Though i was sabotaged a number of times, and you guys enjoyed my 'sian diao' face
STILL! Thanks for all the efforts and presents (:

Sabotage NO. 1 - 18 black pens, the lousy ones.
Sabotage NO. 2 - Mocha cheese cake, the one from Giant. I seriously thought it was pandan cake!

Basically we went Vivo. Shopped and ate.
Sorry for making you guys wait for me ok?
They gave me the pens at first, when we were dining at Thai Express
Thanks ahhh....
Any way, Seng weng and Kristen went out for a smoke one too many times

After Vivo, we went Clarke Quay for a drink and chilled.
Opening a bottle was too expensive, and we couldn't go MOS because Seng Weng was wearing slippers.
Clio had to leave early, so we ended up chilling at TCC
They presented what i refer to as Sabo NO. 2!
YUCKS la, haha, its been in Kristen's bag ever since we were at Vivo!
5 minutes later, this waiter from TCC came with something in his hands
I was like, "Eh, did we order something more?"
They bought me a cake!!
And so, i went through 2 birthday singing song sessions
HAHA!
Then they presented me $100 worth of Ed Hardy Vouchers!
SO HAPPY!!

Went over to Boat quay after Clio left and opened a bottle as it was affordable
Played this number game.
Thanks Ronald and Sebas for taking the shots for me. (:
Funniest thing was Seng Weng keep using the cranberry juice as the forfeit!
After that we went over Kristen's to stayover
Went home at about 7 plus in the morning.
The most sian thing was that i had work at 10am.

I thank God for good and generous classmates. (:
I so want to thank them lots, but i just can't put it into words.
So i just message you guys individually.
Thanks for this unforgettable birthday ok?

***
I love you, baby.
One thing human has and animals don't have, is the ability to hide their feelings
Didn't tell you or show you this.
But, it was so hard to say goodbye to you just now
Its going to be another week right?
I feel as locked up as you are.
I took comfort in telling myself that a relationship that went through the period of NS is stronger then one that hasn't.
But its not much convincing to me.

***

Sebas said, "Why do you have so much compassion?"
Its not compassion, it isa reminder to keep myself from being self-centered.
I've realised over the past few months of my life, i've forgotten whats giving in.
I have become all so calcultaive, perfectionist.
I have created faces in me. A vast combination of characters.

Birthday, 18th

2007-11-06T22:02:00.000+08:00

Thai Express membership card!!

Flowers going naked!

Germs & Adele : THANKS for the balloon!! I am a princess!! (:

Complimentary red wine from Thai Express!

Howie and Sarah : THANKS for the flowers!

Red Rubies! YUMMY!
EEWW, their complimentary salad - consist of majority pineapple & ONIONS.
Germs & Adele : THANKS for the cake!!

THANKS BABES!!! (:

LOVES!!! (:

miss.

2007-11-06T01:49:00.000+08:00

I miss him, and my heart aches every time i messaged him.
I know he will see the messages only after he comes back from field camp.
My life is incomplete.
So what if i am able to suppress my feelings while he is away, but yet break down in the midst of that emptiness and loneliness that only he can fill.

Million THANKS to W15H, you made me laugh to myself the whole time when we were having conference.
Some even sang me birthday song!
You guys make me a happy person! I am so touched!!!
FLYING KISS TO YOU GUYS!!! (:

strength.

2007-10-28T13:12:00.000+08:00

AHHH! Look at Joseph!! Can't get enoguh of him. For those who are from my church, he's Poh's son!!

Ha, baby bought for me the roses cause he couldn't be able to make it on my birthday because of field camp. So sweet right. (:

Any way, i was chatting with my classmates. And i told them that every time i see a couple being sweet to each other, i would be very happy for them.
There's a difference between sweet and "go get a room".

I want to be a person of substance for both body and mind.

2007-10-26T09:56:00.000+08:00

Ed Hardy, cant wait to get my hands on it!

Amily is sitting right beside me now, ding dong kid. (:

what a day.

2007-10-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

Had my off day today. Suppose to be going town but Germaine was going for Click 5's concert, so didn't go in the end.
Dance class came in timely.
Fi is teaching a new routine for the next performance at DXO.
I feel so distorted, because of the combination of hands and body and the fast beat.
Then she taught us the double turn, am super happy, cause i got compliments from her.
But sort of got unstable after the first try.
Must practice, must seek for perfection.
Every thing comes with a price.

Sometimes, he gives me the feeling as if he can afford to let me go.
Did he think of what i would feel when he keep throwing his tantrums at me?
Van : Don't worry ok, it will be all worth it.

" If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way."

Jane Goodall

" Your attitude is either your best friend or your worst enemy, your greatest asset or your greatest liability."

John Maxwell

" The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."

Vince Lombardi

concern.

2007-10-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

Thanks ok, for all those concerns!!!
You make me smile. (:
I thank God for all the comfort and encouragements.

" Permanence, perseverance, and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things it distinguishes the strong soul from the weak."

Thomas Carlyle

" The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."

Vince Lombardi

bad.

2007-10-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

I am such a failure when it comes to being a girlfriend.
I ain't a good girlfriend at all.
I made him really really angry today.
Why can't i just do what i promise.

But why can't he just stop being so calculative?
I know i am suppose to be talking to him whenever he has a free time, because its limited.
But what about me and my schedule and passion?
It is not going to last if these quarrellings continue, is it.

Sorry baby, i know its really my bad.
For one of the few times, i feel so hopeless.
I just hope you will understand how it is for me too.
I make mistakes too, just more then what the norms do.
And i did tried ok, why don't you ever recognize it, then keep pointing out the wrongs of mine?

I told him, if he really hates me, then break up, i would respect his decision and not cling onto him. Not that i want to break up obviously.
I am such a failure ):

Yes, must stress myself to become better.

(:

2007-10-19T23:55:00.000+08:00

As much of a composition writer my sister is, but i can't help but agree with what she wrote in her blog.
"perhaps i have indeed formed a shield over my heart. who can break through the protective shell? it's not that i have been hurt too many times; i have been hurt no more times than the layman on the street. but i've been through many relationships, and it has kind of numbified me."

Numbed to feelings, many things.
You tell me everything you do has a reason, but things doesn't go through my mind before i do it.
Ask me to give you are reason for everything i do?
I give you empty words, words that are answers for the sake of answering.

I thank God for short term memory, you know why?
Because it helps you forget things you don't want to remember.
Though some things that once scarred your heart never fails to engulf your thoughts.

I am not afraid to admit. I seek for acceptance, i look for friends, in fact i need them to fill the empty hole in me.
I have low self-esteem. Facilitators say i have good presentation skills, its just a mask.
Try counting how many faces i have.

Went for cell group just now,
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
It impacted me a lot, i am not one with any talents or strengths.
I know people are modest when it comes to saying some thing like that, but i know this portion of me well.
I trust my God that i would shine because of Him.
His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.

thanks loves.

2007-10-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

I feel so loved.
Thanks everyone.

I wrote a post about being unable to talk to Jerry on our 2nd anniversary.
Didn't expect so many people to be so concerned about me, in the good way!
Don't worry guys, he called me at 2am that day.
He had rifle shooting that day and was out from 430 am till 2am that day.
Major thanks to Clio, Jin Hua, Sebestian and many more.
Sorry for not remembering who, i got major STM also, but i am touched the moment you guys was concerned about it. (:
And thanks Sebas, for the donuts! an Clio for making class so enjoyable for me, Jin hua for being so understanding!!

I thank God, once again, for excellent classmates.

love.

2007-10-16T12:43:00.000+08:00

I miss Nadia, how i wished nothing like this had happened.

How i wished.

touch.

2007-10-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

I shall mark this day.
Didn't talked to baby the WHOLE day. no message, no nothing.
For the very FIRST time, since the day we knew each other.
And guess what! it's our 2nd year anniversary today.
Don't ask me if i am sad or not, cause i am ):

Was watching the 9 pm show! Cause God was good, he let me have 2 rest day for the week.
Today and tomorrow. Gonna cut my fringe, trim my eye browns, get my shoes........
I think i would crumple if i see my love ones die right in front of me.
Another sad scene. I can't stop thinking about it.
DIE right in front of you, you know!!

" One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is the gift of attention."

Jim Rohn

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.

Erica Jong

agony.

2007-10-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

My friend once asked me, "Why do you guys like to blog about how you feel?"
I guess it's just a form of letting out.

One month ago, he was taken away from me, physically.
My emotional support is gone too.
Ah hua say, "You busy woman la, work 5 days a week, i respect you."
I mugged myself in work.
Have to be strong, he depends on you too.
How to get past this 2 years! tell me, i don't even know how long more i can give in to him.

There is this International Salsa festival coming up next Friday.
They are only selecting 2 juniors.
I seriously want to go!
You will be learning the history of Salsa and many international instructors are coming to teach.
3 days 2 night chalet, guess how much is the original ticket! $430!!!
Thank God for our dance instructor whose dance studio is one of the organisers, so we could get a subsidy.
And also partly from school.
Please, please, i want to go.
Thanks baby, for being so understanding for my dance.

Any way, i feel so blessed some times.
I got excellent classmates, God took care of many small things.
I thank God for the gift of forgetfulness.
I love Him.

" Each creation delights me much; on the face of this earth, God loves me such."

- Rakesh Patil

" Wisdom is often acquired when we stumble, not when we succeed. Our defeats leave us wiser than our triumphs. God will lead us through each stumble or defeat."

- Jefrey C. Dela Peña

wishlist.

2007-10-08T00:45:00.000+08:00

River Island bag, the rest are Ed hardy. I loveeeee Ed hardy's design. They look so much stunning in real life, especially their dresses.

MY PRESENT WISH!

SHOPPING VOUCHERS : Ed Hardy, River Island, Guess, BeBe, Warehouse, Forever21, Harley Davidson !
Black Shorts

baby.

2007-10-05T01:23:00.001+08:00

"What if i get for you something, and you don't like it? What will you do?"
"Throw away lo".
What a fantastic boyfriend.

Sleepy sleepy, blogging cause my hair is still wet.
Was talking to Ah Hua just now. He KO already, i am going to KO too.
Been sleeping like 5 hours or less every day, how..

I keep asking myself this question, "What if i can never be happy again."

Million of thoughts go through everybody's mind each day.
But how many can tame it, giving birth to a new principle, a new knowledge in dealing with their life.
Many are engulfed by the emotions, the disappointments.

I despise regret,
i despise myself for being a girlfriend that cannot be trust,
i despise my inability to be adequate for my boyfriend,
i despise my inability to be strong,
i despise my inability to deal with things,
i despise my inability to break through,
i despise my inability to be understanding,
i despise my inability to chase after dreams,
i despise my inability to find strength in weakness,
i despise my inability follow God.

fulfilling.

2007-10-04T23:52:00.001+08:00

Ha, jerry and i are finally back to normal.
"sorry for expecting so much from you, love you too.."
So happy. but i doubt he has any idea how much his words weigh in my heart.

Was watching Step up and Take the lead while on the way home.
They make the dance look so easy.
Turning, sliding like ABC.
I dream to dance like them. I guess, thats every dancers' dream. (:
And, i can't do double turn for nuts.
Salsa dance needs to have a lot of body control and locking of arms and stuff.
But its so difficult to do while you are dancing!
I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me.

Been feeling pretty down because of the boy, dance gives me hope for happiness.
Why need to show people you are sad? Cannot wait till alone then sad is it.
Some people just annoy me, bear with a bit of emotion will die is it.
MUST show people one meh.
If one is happy, the class will also be happy.
Random.

I love you, Jesus.

"Time is a big healer. Leave your blues with it, wait and watch."

- Manojkumar Kodwani

don't understand, never will.

2007-10-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

Quarreled again. I hope it doesn't continues so often.
Ask Van for help, i'm lost.
Thanks Van, you are really a great help.
Must give in, must let him understand your situation.
Don't feel heart pain, just take it as he had a bad day.
Must let him know you are trying.

Yes, must persevere. I am trying really hard already.
I told myself, must assure him, must know how to love him, must watch what i am doing so that he will trust me for once.
I still want this relationship to last one ok.

Havent been sleeping a lot lately. If you think your life is boring, check out mine.

Monday - 9am to 4.30pm(School), 5pm to 10pm(Dance)
Tuesday to Thursday - 9am to 4.30pm(School), 6pm to 10pm(Work)
Friday - 9am to 4.30pm(School), 545pm to 630pm(Piano), 8pm to 10pm(Cellgroup)
Saturday - 10am to 4pm(Work), 5pm to 8pm(Church)
Sunday - 6pm to 10pm(Work)

I'm not referring to 1 week, i'm referring to EVERY week. A routine.
If i ever stop working, i would think of him.
But what does he know. I know he doesn't read my blog, i understand he just doesn't have the time or strength.
Don't get me wrong, i am not blaming him here, really.
Going to get him a River Island bag, i hope he likes it.
As much as i work in retail shop, a fashion world, I still can't grasp his taste in things.
Hope he likes it.

" Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained, hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired."

Erik H. Erikson

birthday.

2007-09-27T14:39:00.000+08:00

Felt like getting for him something.
I don't know why i keep buying him food, when i know he wouldn't eat it.
Sigh, so much of a boyfriend treasuring a present from his girlfriend.

Took train with Rowena and Germaine yesterday.
Rowena was already planning her 17th birthday.
Mine is 18th and it's actually later then her.
And, i am not even excited about it, what more, planning for it.

I doubt he would be around. So how?
I hope i would come up with some ideas soon.

three more days.

2007-09-25T23:42:00.000+08:00

Today didn't end well. Had a bicker with him.
Yes, must learn to give in, even though you know he's in the wrong too.
Missing him and loving him, yet thats all i got from him, doubt.

Any way, school is getting more boring each day. Bloody annoying.
Its so routine. I miss my old class, they make my day all the time.
If you are not the one that make noise, than thats it for you.
Start rolling the ball, W15H.

enough all ready.

2007-09-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

I guess everybody has thousands of thoughts going through their mind all the time, i am no exceptional.
I am constantly thinking about Jerry, no doubt for that. He's coming out next Friday!!!
I think of my work, my cell group, my friends, my school. So many things and emotion going through me that i can't comprehend it with words.
Sometimes, you just don't know whether to be nonchalant of whatever that is going through you. Or, should you try to gain a mutual understanding before any misunderstanding comes up.
How do one understand another's heart? Their deepest thought.
Thats what i want to do, knowing people like a book.
Don't get me wrong, i am not saying they are so naive that they can be read like a book or anything.

Now, it just feels like stepping to the next level of my life.
Giving birth to a greater control over own emotions, realizing my own principles of living a life.

pulchritude - physical beauty. may it be so, also, for my life.

"Make every thought, every fact, that comes into your mind pay you a profit. Make it work and produce for you. Think of things not as they are but as they might be. Don't merely dream --- but create!"
Robert Collier

melancholy.

2007-09-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

I really miss him, how.
Today's only the fourth day.
11 more days to go.
Two more years to go.

" To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength of mind."

William Hazlitt

my baby, ns man.

2007-09-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

Jerry just enlisted for NS today.
No doubt, i am damn sad. Like as if there is something missing from your life already.
He's going to tekong, there's transportation available from Pasir ris interchange.
When he went to report, the guy was like so fierce already. "TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT"
I swear, NS is out make guys look nerd, like some gong gong.
Any way, had his goodbye dinner on thur night.
Van was just telling me how it would be like for we girlfriends.
"Sometime they wont even be able to call, then you are like so worried already, then you will be wondering like did anything happen to them."
At first i was thinking like, worry about what? they are like in NS, what could happen.
NOW i know.
The moment i went work after sending him off, my mind is all on him.
TWO WEEKS leh.
Was on the phone with him just now, he say the officer said that this two weeks we will be very nice to you, but after that then.....
I heard a few guys got scolded like shit already.
Army is sooo...strict. It's like as if they going for some cold blooded training, night mare.
I will be long suffering for him. -Van : "Must always give in to them."
God i pray, protect him ok. Let him make good friends, let him be enduring, let him be mentally strong ok?

"Why is love intensified by absence?"
-The Time Traveler's Wife

excel.

2007-09-02T18:09:00.000+08:00

Envy. I know its just not right to envy people.
But, what do i excel in?
People excel in their own many ways. Beauty, sense of fashion, physically etc.
I keep telling myself that.
But it just doesn't happen to me. Let just say, i can't psycho my self to do things.
Like, if i keep telling myself, "I can do it one", "I can do it better".
It just doesn't work on me.
Like, i can't just say "I am prettier then her", when i know i am not.
It's just an example, really.
Let's just say, i ask myself constantly, "who am i?".
Discovering myself more each step i took, but yet i feel there is more to know.
Forever, inadequate i am.

Finally, there is going to be a change in cell group.
But, strangely, i am having mixed feelings.

" A rainbow was created with unique and different colors; together they standout as one whole beautiful thing. So are we."

Katya Bertrand

-Every time I hear people pointing out the differences between each other, I feel that we have forgotten that is what makes us unique and complements one another.

" Life is a teacher; the more you learn, the more you live."

Emmanuel Christopher

love.

2007-08-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

Had this sudden thought about love and relationship.
"As long as you have love, you guys can live happily ever after already."
Love is the foundation, but what keeps you guys together is what you built on it.

I am so happy, why?
Cause i found a job!!! finally.
Naf Naf, Retail : Clothes, Bags and Shoes. At Raffles Shopping Centre.
Hope they have nice clothes. Shopped there once, but i can't remember whats there already.
6.50 per hour with commission, and i didn't even need to negotiate.
Asked Vanessa how much do retail shops usually pay, "About $5.50 to $6.00."

The interview was like less then 10mins.
I was quite nervous, like cause she's a foreigner.
I was so scared i would unintentionally follow her accent and sound stupid.
She asked me, "Tell me more about your motivation in the fashion world."
I was like, woah, first question only can.
No doubt, i told baby my answer. Then he was like, "You talk cock one right."
HAHA.
But thank God, He is so nice.
The rest was just about my personal particulars and availability.
And, they could go with my schedule.
HA! yay, can get my Ed hardy dresses already, my shoes, Junk Food tee, my shorts, good make-ups, bags, BeBe dresses.....

My God is an awesome God, God of my forever.
I love You more then i did yesterday.
My heart shattered, my life screwed.
I disappointed You so many times.
But You still let me love You.

purpose.

2007-08-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

Pastor preached about don't worry about any thing in your life, for everything happens passes through God first.
Yes, i believe in it with all my mind, heart and soul.
I believe in my God, for He is greater in me then of this world.
Worry about nothing, all right?

I found something that i feel is really fulfilling in my life, friends.
While on the journey home from Simpang, thoughts went through my mind.
Something touched my heart that made me love Jesus, friends and everything else even more.
I realized that i never learned to cherish my life before, to live my life to the fullest.
I took everything negatively.
I am determine to live it to the fullest, to look and think through every step i take.

" Failure does not become me, so I will become the greatest at what I do by my actions and habits."
Erik Gardner

Sim 2 is super addictive. argh, been playing it till 3am plus plus everyday. Hur.

I have flat butt + big tummy = NO NO!
how to make butt bigger, tips please.

my mind.

2007-08-20T21:51:00.000+08:00

sometimes I wish I am brainless, retarded, whatever it is.
I wish I could just throw all my thoughts and mixed feelings away.

" My target is excellence. But in order to excel in achieving this target, I must excel in characterizing myself with excellent moral values and principles."

Ravi Kumar Keenoo

salsa shoes.

2007-08-18T01:51:00.000+08:00

my beloved salsa shoes.
am going to start wearing 3-inch heels and start practicing my balancing.

random.

2007-08-18T00:30:00.000+08:00

i realized today, i am a very negative person. very.
it's bad right..
i can't give people much encouragement. it's just not me.
change yc, change!
quit being so judgmental.

i was on the bus today, then i saw this man clipping his nails with a nail clipper at the bus stop.
this memory came to my mind. i was outside this really crowded train, and i saw this man digging his nose while his girlfriend is talking to him.
thank God i was not going up that train because it's too crowded, and it went off shortly.
so naturally i gave him a disgusted look, and i looked at the girl, she seems oblivious of it.
i was super disgusted, seriously. and its not the first time i see this things happening.
it's just amazing how people can irritate you by their simple actions.

i saw Shirley on the train today, while on the way to cell group.
we were just talking about church and stuff.
sigh, every thing have changed right. for the worse or the better?
the answer is obvious.

God, i pray again. let me go back to the past..

" No one can go back and change a bad beginning but one can start anything, anytime and create a successful ending."

Preethi Bhat

but how?

my post.

2007-08-16T09:49:00.001+08:00

in class now, just had Maths & Computing test.
Sweet Jesus, it really difficult.
any way, HAHA, LAST week of school is starting tomorrow.
Am glad i am able to pon the whole week!

I apologize to those who i have showed my temper to,
it is one of my weakness in controlling my temper.
and pardon me, i can get irritated over things that doesn't seem significant to you.
Sorry ok? :)

" The hardest thing you will ever have to do is be yourself."

Rachelle Disbennett-Lee

my phone.

2007-08-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

Here's the thing, when i went to the shop,
Samsung F300 is sold out island wide, and ordering it would take up sometime.
the problem with me is i want to get things done straight away.
so i didn't want to order it cause you need to wait and also because i held on to the hope of getting the phone on that day itself for weeks already.
the guy told me this phone has the same functions, but a better camera and its cheaper.

Being the usual and daft me, i didn't check whether what he said was the truth, but any way, i just got the phone.
got it cheaper by renewing my plan earlier, but of course you need to pay extra $100 to the discounted price.
i was damn happy when i heard that, cause the phone is so much cheaper after the discount.
and also because i think my mum didn't want to get the phone before we knew we could get it at a cheaper price, but she still agreed cause i think i gave out a melancholy feel to the atmosphere after i heard it was sold out.

Any way, the saddening part was its not a phone that was in my choices at all.
i was just talking to my senior, and he said "It is good enough already to get a new phone. I still need to work for my phone."
yes, yichun, please learn how to be content.

shopping.

2007-08-10T10:45:00.000+08:00

this is bad, my shopping list is getting longer and longer.
i so badly need a job, because i badly want those stuff.
going to look for job on Wednesday.
at last, i am doing something about it.
i hope we can get a job at River Island!
their stuff are like, wth.

ok, going to tidy up my cupboard today.
skipped Math & Computing!
that module is really like kns.
shall make my day useful.

going to get my Samsung F300 later!
yayyyy!

my life.

2007-08-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking about my life, like what the hell have i been doing.
sometimes, even if you are busy, it's just annoying to find out that whatever that have kept you busy, is not something fulfilling.
whatever it is, i feel really empty some way or another.
like, i am not doing any thing except - school,social dance, piano, cell group, church.
for months, it's been my routine.
i need a break through, a better cell group, a busier and yet fulfilling life.

"When there is judgment, there is no room for love."
-Mother Teresa

my beloved phone again.

2007-08-07T21:11:00.000+08:00

My choices of mobile phone : Nokia N76, Samsung F300 and Sony Ericsson S500i .
My choice : Samsung F300!
i was on my way back from piano lesson, so i dropped by Singtel and M1 at West mall.
i feel so fickle minded.

Nokia N76 : it looks so, big. like seriously big and not as sleek as Samsung F300 though. and i heard N series phones are really lagging. no thanks, shall not waste my patience on this kind of thing.

Sony Ericsson S500i : i was asking my classmates today about the phones and they mention this phone that baby mentioned the day before. i don't like the buttons, and it doesn't have a radio. and it doesn't look as nice on the display compared to Samsung F300.

they only left one set of Samsung F300 in stock, i pray a miracle will happen this saturday.

My thought of the day : The higher your expectations, the more disappointed you will get. i know every body heard this before, but would you really lower down your standard?
in my opinion, sometimes expectations doesn't come in a process. it doesn't go like "do i like it to be this way?" then you start thinking how to make it perfect. but it just comes like this "wth, what is this man." and people assumed is you just have high expectation, perfectionist.

my beloved phone.

2007-08-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

hur, i just changed my mind. instead of Samsung F300, i'm going to get this!
came across it on this advertisement on hotmail like ages ago.
i think when it first came out not long ago.
i was like wah, ok, not bad.
i hope my mum will get it for me this sat, and i pray it's not going to be too expensive.
tell me your comments ok?

again.

2007-08-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

ok, i've blogging multiple posts.
but i can't help it, i am SO BORED!
baby is out prata-ing with his friends, i have no one to talk to so i am doing my usual thing - reading blogs.
Here's one from Jerry's,

top 2 things found in your wallet:
1. notes
2. coins

top 2 songs you can listen to again and
again:
1. songs baby wrote for me
2. phantom of opera

top 2 reasons to watch television:
1. hong kong dramas
2. hong kong dramas..

top 2 places I'd want to visit:
1. Switzerland!!!
2. Rome

top 2 obsessions:
1. Baby boy.
2. dance, music..

top 2 favorite nick name:
(err, i shall re phrase it - favorite of my friends)
1. Chun li
2. Ang ku kueh, red ridding hood - my red jacket.

top 2 favorite food:
1. Crabs (Steamed, black pepper, chili)
2. Waffle Hotdogs..

top 2 favorite snacks:
1. Seaweeds
2. Calbee - Spicy flavour

top 2 favorite website:
1. www.blogger.com , friends' blog
2. www.motivateus.com

top 2 goals you want to accomplish:
1. Lose Weight
2. Excel in every way

top 2 favorite colors:
1. White
2. Red

top 2 favorite part of the house:
1. My room
2. The toilet

top 2 things i can't wait to happen
1. Money to drop from the sky
2. More money to drop from the sky

top 2 places where I love to shop
1. Town! Ed Hardy, sigh..
2. Town..

top 2 movies I could watch over and
over
1. Take the lead, Step up
2. Honey

top 2 drama on your list at the moment
1. Hong Kong dramas
2. CSI Las Vegas

top 2 bands on your list
1. Fall Out Boy
2. Life house

top 2 people who light up your day
1. Baby
2. W16R

top 2 things tat u would like to change
1. My pea brain
2. The world to be not broken down.

bored.

2007-08-03T15:24:00.000+08:00

i am really bored, having presentation now. sigh.

the guys are crazy over this game, Vice City.

i thought of the events ahead for this few days, and concluded that i have a boring life.

my team is talking about beauty now, not that it has anything to do with today's problem.
but oh well, would you agree with this sentence?
: "If you are pretty, means you are pretty. If you are not, just accept it. no matter what you dress, it wouldn't make a difference."

to me, this sentence would be real sad if it is a belief of a lady who is not what we deem pretty. so where does "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" stands?

BYE.

boyfriend.

2007-08-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

not aiming at you baby,

would you say...
A TRUE BOYFRIEND?

Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything
• Tease her and let her tease you back.
• Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
• Watch her favorite movie with her.
• Give her the world.
• Let her wear your clothes.
• When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
• Let her know she's important.
• Kiss her in the pouring rain.
• When she runs up at you crying.. the first thing you say is.."Who's ass am i beating today baby?"

IMPRESS ME!

2007-08-01T19:17:00.000+08:00

jerry's 20th birthday!

2007-08-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

am sort of disappointed for not getting a tom & jerry cake after jerry and i passed by polar shop at tangs, so i got a small one!

His beloved friends! (:

the photos are really blur, and i don't know why, thank God the original one are not as blur.

birthday boy.

2007-07-31T10:05:00.000+08:00

Enterprise now!
on "Impress me", so we have to wear formal like as if we are going for interview.
shall upload the pictures someday.

IT'S JERRY'S BIRTHDAY!
going to leave school later to collect the cake and stuff.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!

i think i am just plain shit organizer.
sorry jerry, you have a incompetent girlfriend.

W16R

2007-07-27T09:48:00.000+08:00

having cognitive now, today's problem : Our Reflection Journal.
good, it's super relaxing today.

again i say, i love my class.
seeing what they tag, what and how they talk across in class makes me smile to myself.
they are seriously full of nonsense, and it just brings you a lot of joy.
i am really tired, i really want to pon sometimes. but its them that makes me want to come to school. (:
how some of them care over those small little details, how willing they are to help when you ask or meet any difficulties.
how Song wen comes out of his sheep skin, how Xiuqi become the class's niang, how irritating Johnson, Ferdinand and Farhan is. all the nonsense that Vikram does. how Cheng Long make every joke out of calling Sybil chicken backside. playing a fool with Lam, Claris's long nails clicking on the keyboard. how Johnson came to my rescue during the presentation, how Ferdinand just entertain me with all this problems. Nicholas's retarded-ness. Syaz being bullied, Yvonne's loud laughter, Sabira's Bollywood. Joanne's happy character.

three more weeks, and its going to be a new environment again.

" Your success depends more on how you adapt to things that you are not tuned to do. "
-By Ankit Joshi
I've always ended up doing things that were the last on my options list, be it education, selecting colleges, professionally, and I know there are thousands like me trying to find happiness in what they don't like to do.

blog.

2007-07-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

i just feel like blogging.

change.

2007-07-25T12:37:00.000+08:00

i am so glad, i feel like we are back in the honey-moon mood now. after those multiple quarrels, i thought it would be over between both of us.

they say change is constant, then why is it not happening for me?

again, i pray that i can go back to the past.

" Negative thoughts are the weak link; a shift in your awareness and thinking positive will change your day."
-Mike T.

salsa.

2007-07-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

salsa is really fun. BUT, freak, my feet really hurts.
having this performance in October, and we are like practicing the steps already.
whats frustrating is that those who don't come won't know the steps, the teacher teaches new steps every lesson. and when some one doesn't know the steps, she will make everybody dance again and again till that student get it.
argh.

went town yesterday, Ngee Ann City.
Hoyin is leaving for Hong Kong this sunday, he treated everyone to Coca, this steam boat restaurant.
the food was not bad, but my stomach was aching after that.
no worries, my stomach have been aching really frequently for the last few days or weeks.
went to this bar/cafe called Outdoors. its in between Centerpoint and Orchard Emerald.
ate 9 Deadly Sins - 9 scoops of Ben & Jerry!
needless to say, my stomach hurt again.

math & computing test tomorrow, pray for me ok.

body.

2007-07-21T13:12:00.000+08:00

ok, i have been having really irregular meals nowadays.
i couldn't even finish my dinner yesterday,
and the last time i ate was at 1030am?
God bless me.

all my tops are tanks. its gonna show my tummy. ):

My wishlist.

2007-07-20T09:32:00.000+08:00

Hur, left school during the second break to go shopping with Jerry!
i think we practically went around the whole town,
and i bought a top from Junk Food. Rolling Stones.
ok, i really want a lot things now.
mostly from Far East Plaza.

any blessings or advanced birthday present is welcome! (:

-Shoes from Trendy zone/Anna Nucci ($23.90 or $25.90)
-Blackish-grey jeans from New Future ($39.90)
-Rose printed bag ($49.90)
-Ed Hardy dress

People ask, 'why is yichun not as bubbly already'
because some one let the bubbles burst everyday and no one blow it back.

" When God said let there be light, it wasn't just for the darkness to disappear but so the beauty of his creation could be seen.
-Adam Roy dela Calzada

my life.

2007-07-19T10:50:00.000+08:00

i have a confession.
i have no aim in life, i don't know the purpose of it.
my mind is constantly moving, thinking of everything and all things about life.
how to change, how things should be done.
yet, it is never productive. it hardly ever answers the questions of my heart.

" The whole course of things goes to teach us faith. We need only obey. There is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening, we shall hear the right word.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

PHOTOS!

2007-07-17T11:35:00.000+08:00

Olympaid.

2007-07-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

went for my cousin's wedding dinner on sat, before that, my sis was at Swisshotel in Raffles City shopping center, i went to meet her. 61 floor. there was this ndp thing. so we saw the firework. pretty pretty.

I had a good day today.
went town early in the morning, baby bought me an Ed Hardy shirt for my early birthday present!
Ha, i finally have one!! now, i am gonna aim for an Ed Hardy dress.

went over to Tanah Merah for my salsa shoes after that, the glitter on it is annoying me. seriously, you should see every one's face and body and their clothing. all scattered with glitter.
every one had to get the silver one, oh well, the black ones are a lot nicer.

i want a part time job, any lo baang?

i want to grow up, i want to be less fussy about things, i want to make wise decisions fast.
but how?

NOTE to W16R: okok, i will up load the photos soon ok.

" We believe in God when he helps to solve our difficulties. But when he doesn't, he may be believing in you."
- Rahul. V.V

Solitaire.

2007-07-12T23:30:00.000+08:00

i hate Maths and Computing!!!
i mean, just giving us the programme it self and problem, and we are suppose to solve it?
like howwwwww?
today's problem just suck, its the worse among all the lessons we had.

i want to shop shop shop.
but no money money money.

went Thai Express with Jerry today.
then went walking around window shopping.
its nice, just walking around together (:
but i hate it when you start feeling that tiredness and aching limps.

yay! me and nicholas are gonna eat Herbal Egg tomorrow! thanks to my cravings!!

" Sometimes it takes walking through a valley to find the strength for climbing a mountain."
-Nova Scotia

Peace.

2007-07-11T19:52:00.000+08:00

sleepy sleepy,
i am feeling so drained after school.

i love W16R. i love my classmates. i don't want to change.
6 more weeks.

jerry's going army.
2 more months.

Lord, let me go back to the past. so i can change the everything for the better.

" In the presence of adversity, there are those that use crutches, and others who grow wings."
- By Renee Engdahl
*We all face obstacles, but it is how we deal with them that tells us who we really are.

another friday. metawheromagic.

2007-07-07T01:56:00.000+08:00

yay, the day is soon over!!
i get stress over fridays, it's just so packed.
bc said he would be late because of his work and ask me to stop at serangoon instead of kovan and he would pick me up.
and wth, there are so many bus stops la!!
feeling super agitated already because of the weight of the laptop and my piano books inside the bag, i randomly chose this bus stop that was close to his "description".
and i waited from 740 till 810. good patience huh.
ok, so it was the wrong bus stop.

why cant they just change the bloody location, it is just so freaking inaccessible.
so what if he has a car, doesn't mean we should depend on it forever right.
i raise the matter up twice already, but he say just have to bear with it.
quite true any way, because all other cellgroups are like another zone or on another day.

any way, i was on my way back after cell from outram.
feeling really grumpy, this stupid JC guy.
i swear, they are like smart yet stupid.
he is like so bloody smelly. when he raised his hand.
HO! i wanted to die can.
his hand was like straight up, holding the pole.
so strong la, i bet there's something wrong with his nose.

" The world doesn't care for what you think inside, only for what you present outside."
-Sripriya Venugopal

UNKNOWN ROSE.

2007-07-05T19:03:00.000+08:00

i let that side of me out today.
a side where i've been trying to bury, to get rid.
a side where it caused me so many regrets in my life.
yichun, grow up please, yichun.
you are nearing 18 years old and becoming a lady,
and you actually "wrestle" with your classmates.
don't you know whats unglam, don't you know what is decency?
please learn some self-control, learn to have some decency, to be more demure, to be less open, learn to be yourself.
you know you hate it and you still do it.
quit being so contradicting that sometimes you don't even seem to know yourself.
i want to change, i really do.
learn to crucify that old wine skin.

any way, you HAVE to watch Transformers.
it's a reallllllyyyyy good movie,
as far as i could remember, it could be one of the best movies i watched.

" Just because it's hard doesn't mean you have to quit."
- Sara L. --- Michigan

try it

2007-07-01T17:22:00.001+08:00

ok, i feel like i am spamming my own blog.
but try this! got it from TAN SUAT LING.

Get the code at www.winterrowd.com

:)

HAHA

2007-07-01T17:11:00.002+08:00

HAHA, i hope he doesn't read my blog.

Barkarole

2007-07-01T02:52:00.000+08:00

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
If my cg is just a name which is of no worth, now, even the value of the substance in it is ineffectual.

he was late, and asked me to sit with jerry's cell group.
ok, i thought he was the one who commanded us to come by 4pm, if not..
and i already knew he was going to be late, but i just thought i should have this hope that he would come early for once.
shall not say too much.
zippp.

" There is no such thing as a simple act of kindness. For, contained within its expression is all the hope, life, magic and majesty and everything I could ever hope a God could be."
-John Giroux

" Do you want to move forward? Acknowledge where you are at the present time. Feel the fear, feel the discomfort of leaving your comfort zone, and embrace the change anyway! New experiences and people are waiting to greet you! The rewards will be great and you will be an inspiration to others."
-Michelle W. Seamons

fridayssss.

2007-06-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

aahhh, i am tired and hungry.
havent ate for more then 12hrs already, as if i am fasting.
any way, my church fast for 24 hours, it's about leaning on God's strength. :)
sorry for the pride, i am proud of my church, thats all.

another friday.
woke up early, went to school
restless.
thank God for my team mates, especially Johnson.
pure gratefulness ok, don't any how think.

rushed down from school for piano, after rushing through my RJ and stuff.
ok, i wrote rather short. i hope she would be nice.
any way, they should invent some electronic devices for score so we don't need to bring those heavy piano books along!
my shoulders is bloody aching now. ):

then after piano, rushed down AGAIN for cellgroup.
Ban chuan fetched me from Kovan mrt, apparently, the venue changed AGAIN.
i came out from the mrt and back in again just to cross over to the opposite bus stop.
you cant imagine how many times i scold whoever for not having the cellgroup at some place more accessible!!!! ~!@#$%

my whole cell was late because of me, because all of them was inside ban chuan's car.
when we reached, they were already having pre-cell prayer meeting.

any way, some one didn't let me have my time of rest after cell still!! 10 plus already you know!!
the only problem i have with you is you don't understand how your members feel!
don't you understand that i am not as strong as you think,i can't go back to what i was like before. i know the problems you are carrying is unbearable at times, thats why you confide in me. but confide in some one stronger, you are going to drive me away one day if you don't start listening to what i am saying!

i keep hearing this phrase, "There will always be changes"
okok, i get it ok.
again i say, i HATE REPETITION.

sorry baby, for throwing tantrums again.
you know me right..
sorry, grumpy me.

bad week. ):

2007-06-28T13:27:00.000+08:00

wth, i hate this week.

Friday :
First, my parents were over at Korea.
so i went over jerry' place to stay, because my mother don't like it.
so i have to do it while she's not around.
so sunday night was a dreadful night with the fear of getting "caught" by her because she will call.
night over.

Monday :
the next day was even worse.
i lost my ezlink!!
its so troublesome to go and make!!

Wednesday :
i'm not the sway one, but still!
to cut the story short, Jerry almost got rob by childish Malays.
no offense to the mature and hard working Malays.
but sometimes, it is just difficult not to be racist.

then today..
argh.
early in the morning, i would miss the bus by a few inches!

" Where words fail, music speaks."
- Hans Christian Anderson

"Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier"
- Charles F. Kettering

daffodil.

2007-06-21T21:01:00.000+08:00

Unwholesome memories, should be treated like unwholesome food. It is better to purge them than to leave them within.
- Dialogues from "An Unpardonable Crime" by Andrew Taylor.

chrysanthemum.

2007-06-20T20:20:00.000+08:00

ohhh weeee.

Revelation of the day : Sometimes, its not someone's responsibility to make you feel pleased. you have expectations, so do others. do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

no pain, no gain.

2007-06-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

my feet hurts!
fifth lesson. its so funnn, but real confusing too.
God knows how many turnings there is still.

first day of a new term.
sleepy sleepy, but my class is good.
don't want to change!!!

When we challenge the unchallenged, the unknown, and the invisible then only can we expect to be creative, new, adventurous, bold and daring.
-Siddharth Elhence.

shopping.

2007-06-14T22:20:00.001+08:00

i love Harley Daivdson's clothes.
if i have a chance to change my wardrobe, i probably would purchase most of my tops from there.
seriously. every time i walk in it, i always find a top i really like.

should i get this phone??
any comments?

The fields held onto the deep green of high summer. Weanlings danced over the pastures, long legs reaching for speed as they charged their own shadows. Mares, their bellies swollen with the foals they carried, cropped lazily.
-Irish Dreams by Nora Roberts.

what life?

2007-06-13T23:15:00.000+08:00

just finished my third book in this two weeks, and i conclude that a book alters my mood after i am done with it.

i laid on the bed, thinking.
as i breathe, i just felt that i am smelling this life.
this life where all the activities are going on outside.
where every one always knew what they are going to do next.
i felt, like i don't belong to this place.
i want something more quiet, some place where i could just sit back and look at the sceneries whatsoever, a peaceful place.
yet, another part of me wants to be really busy, living a life with a full schedule. i don't need a time for break.

slow music makes me love, fast pace music makes me alive.

Sometimes, i think music is the only sanity left in the insane world.
-From Dialogues of "The Stars Shine Down" by Sidney Sheldon.

just another day.

2007-06-10T13:55:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a day where every activity around you just get on your nerves?
the noise, the way a person just sneeze and cough. the way a person just walk past you, the way he just stares at you, and you just feel like poking his eyes.
your own style in doing everything, walking, flagging for the bus..
the way a person react and just doesn't understand you, not knowing when is the right time to do the right thing just to make you feel pleased.
not that the person have to be perfect, but its just the feeling that it happened so many times, causing you to have so many doubts,
that just sometimes you can suppress it any more.

Revelation of the day : Many things done unintentionally, but yet was deemed wrong after reasoning.

pop! goes the weasel!

2007-06-09T10:37:00.000+08:00

did i mention that my hair was screwed the last entry?
NOW, its really screwed.
what can i do but to berate myself for not telling the hairdresser properly which length to cut!!
i look like some p 5 kid a.k.a tomboy a.k.a punk but cannot punk. i just don't suit punk.

something is missing, wrong. i just cant point it out.
some body enlighten me please.

-who am i
that You will know me from the start
set my apart

who am i
that You would place eternity
into my heart

You have given to me
More then this world could give
my purpose is found
in You-

who am i?

2007-06-04T16:06:00.000+08:00

ok, my obsession with books are getting bad.
now Nicholas Sparks, and three other more books to go.

just watched the movie 'A walk to remember' again.
with the memory of the book - The Time Traveler's Wife,
i feel damn emo now.
i cant imagine losing darling.
that's just, painful.
i think hardly any guys would feel anything after watching a movie like that.
they say men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
whatever, many things you just cant explain.

any way, my hair is screwed.

i feel like going missing, to a place where no body can find me.
to a place with only the beach, a cottage with a porch facing the sea and just me.
no worries, no thoughts flying around, no more disappointments, no expectations in life, no nothing.
just poo-f, vanished.

when i feel i have lost God, i feel like i lost myself too.

Revelation of the day : To believe IN God is hard, to do His commandments is even harder.

pink petals.

2007-05-31T23:42:00.000+08:00

jerry's going into army soon. counting. 3 months more.
let me assure him with my assurance.
i will go anorexic,
i will talk to no one,
i lie in bed all day long,
i will go into depression.

i have been getting a lot of de javu.
God knows why.

i need a life.

miss swan is so funny. watch in youtube!!!

"He that has no fools, knaves nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightening."
- Thomas Fuller (17th century English clergyman)

): i am infected by ferdi's emo mood.

2007-05-23T19:43:00.000+08:00

pressure! PRESSURE! my heart is numbed with pressure, flooded with tears.
too much expectations that i cant reach. the narrow minded me.
why cant i? the stupid me.
who can i blame for causing so much trouble, but myself.

God, i pray..

i hate school ):
getting more and more restless each day.
the stupid school.

screwed.

2007-05-06T23:22:00.000+08:00

why are emotions sometimes so difficult to be expressed by word?

i feel like a bore, a loner, so inadequate.

i dread school suddenly, just hate needing to go to school early in the morning and crack your brain over some problems you wont face in the future. tell me, would you need to know that a package dropped from the aeroplane travels at the same speed as the aeroplane? you cant even feel restless in class for once, why? cause the stupid grading system works in a way at how much you participate in class discussion. i swear, RP, go to hell.

2007-04-23T21:56:00.000+08:00

Pictures!

my sis, jerry and i.

My family and i.

Heh, though you didnt make it to the top 10, but its ok. over is over and you have made it so far already. we are proud of you. (:

school.

2007-04-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

weeee, i love my classmates! they are so sweet, not forgetting noisy. oh God, they make the dreadful things so enjoyable. (: sort of remind me of st margs, where people still farts and burps openly. i miss you dearies! heh.
still, i hate presentations. stupid stage fright, i just cant shake it off ever since during secondary school. oh God, help me.

just went west mall yesterday to borrow two books, one from my favourite author Sidney Sheldon, and another i reckon is rather good, Nicholas Sparks. yay, can't wait to read. random i know.

You have to read The Time Traveler's Wife. you just have to.
Why is love intensified by absence?

The stars shine down
And watch us live
Our little lives
And weep for us
-Monet Nodlehs

first day of class!

2007-04-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

shi t, oh my, it is super stressful.
first, they show you the product, give you a few guideline. and there, go figure out yourself. after attending this class, i feel like a complete IT idiot.
we worked with something called Visual Studio. the product is named Simple box. in the box there is this other textbox called label and buttons at the bottom. for example, the function of the button could be changing the textbox red. so when you click on the button, the textbox will turn red.
So, you are suppose to create the different functions of the buttons ALL BY YOURSELF. so you are suppose to be a genius to create a code like - Label1.Backcolor = Color.Red. yes, there is guideline, but what the hell! the guideline is [object].[property]. so helpful right. we didnt know how to do until the faci showed us. and you are suppose to know how to change the direction to northeast, northwest etc. shrinking and expanding the box. wow, so easy what. it killed all my brain cells la.
weee, other then that, the school is good. well, so far.

second day.

2007-04-14T13:43:00.000+08:00

SECOND DAY AT RP.
oh my goodness, i feel darn cheated. the first program was this cheer thing. and he stand with his arms folded and mouth shut the whole time. the host was like "i see some one just standing there with his arms folded and not opening his mouth, can i invite that gentleman up to the stage?" then i was like super stunned, its so embarrassing for him la.
the host -"is there any thing wrong with you , Chronos? everybody is like cheering, why didnt you?"
Chronos- "not enough sleep"
the host-"since every one is doing something, and you didnt. why not you do something for everyone?"
Chronos-"ok, dance?"
the host-" do you want to tell us what song you would like to dance to? so i can ask the dj to play it for you?"
Chronos-"are you sure you will have the song i want?"
the host-"i am quite sure since we have quite a number to songs"
Chronos-"since yesterday J.Lopez appear in american adol, why not lets get loud?"
and so, he started dancing. what the hell right.
the host-"since you are so entertaining, why not i hand over the rest of the program for today to you? do you think you can do it?"
Chronos-"yes, definitely"

they planted a FACI in one of the team la, and sway sway, i SWEAR i am damn sway, i am in the same team as him and he's just seated right behind me! when they asked us to introduce ourself to at least 3 person, he was the FIRST one i introduced myself to.

so when everybody realised he was the faci, a plot,
Chronos-" i am actually a facilitator here, i am sorry that i lied to the people, i am not 20 years old."
because i asked him how old he was! i hope he's not going be my faci! he teaches my course. how sway can i get.

first day.

2007-04-11T15:12:00.000+08:00

my first day in RP today!
ok, still getting use to the environment in RP.
i feel SO awkward.
the people are fine, not that nerdy or cheena. damn friendly though.
i think the best thing is the teachers what they called faci. (facililators)they are like so happening type of people. and its quite slack, cause of the system i guess. school starts at 830am and ends at 4pm the latest.
here comes the bad thing, its so high tech that it really irritates. everything you do is on the computer. the quiz, the reflection journal, the assignment. you even need to log in with your password every time you want to check in and when logging out, you need to close the whole window. how troublesome right?
any way, oh well, just have to get use to it. first day is weird, but maybe not that bad. we will see.

sleepy

2007-04-07T06:22:00.000+08:00

its like 6.23am now. i was just about to fall asleep at 4am, and i received a call. wow, my sister is drunk. went down, her friend and i was trying to coax her to go home. not a good sight, really. and i am like staying up, because she ask me to go away. and am now waiting to open the door for my ms sister to come in. WAKE UP PLEASE, people want to sleep one you know. i am like writing this out of boredom, so if you my big sister see this, dont get pissed.

6.50am
ook..i woke my brother up just to bring her back. but wow, she dont want to get out of the lift. i am damn sleepyy now. so much of sleeping for the next day.

OH YAY! she's back. good morning.

just let me talk it all out.

2007-04-06T23:13:00.000+08:00

i need to know more friends. to spice up my life. not saying that jerry is not enough, its just life. you do need to have a good love life and a good social life right? but my social life is just empty. germaine and all are more extroverted, i am sure they do not have much problem in knowing new friends. its just going to be weird to suddenly pop out again since they have all moved on with their life, knowing new people etc. randomly, in my life, i feel like i have been staying in a cage and not knowing how to break out of it.

i always have similar dreams. one of them is whenever i try to fight back, i would feel so helpless, so weak that i cant even lift my hand to just push the person, making the person seem strong. you know that kind of so helpless feeling, you so want to but just cant do it? then today it just came like a revelation to me that its because i always think that the thing opposing my will is too strong for me. i dont know what to think for the revelation, i dont know how it came about, it just hit me.
i dont think any one who read this will know what i am talking about, nobody actually knows what i am saying most of the time. do i speak alien? damn, i am talking nonsensical things again. sometimes i just dont understand what i am saying either, or why i say it. i hate myself for saying things sometimes and just dont know how to explain it to the person the reason for saying it. i do things that goes against my will ,i do things i dont know why i do it. i do things that makes my life more complicated. i cant be the person i want to be but i cant be the person that i dont want to be either. i am always in a dilemma. i gave up my passion and now i can never turn back. i live my life with regrets, so many things that tested my endurance. and i admit i portraited myself in different faces in front of different people. i dont know how to make choices in my life. the best thing in life, is that you can make a choice, but i dont know how to do it, i cant bring myself to be the choice i make. ironic i know.